Kids Off Social Media? Corporates Cry Foul

By S A Spencer -

 


Australia bans under‑16s, and the lobbyists sharpen their knives.

Story: S A Spencer

Author of Popular Fictions: The Pink Mutiny, The Black Waters, Dream In Shackles

Australia has finally done the unthinkable: told kids under 16 to log off. A radical idea, apparently, that children should spend less time being algorithmic guinea pigs. Other countries are eyeing the move, but the big corporates in the United States are clutching their pearls. Why? Because fewer teenagers online means fewer eyeballs to monetise, fewer dopamine hits to sell, and fewer ad dollars to hoard.

To show how this plays out behind closed doors, here’s a fictional noir‑comic scene — a corporate agent whispering sweet threats to a politician — with commentary that cuts through the spin.

Panel 1 – Hotel Bar, Washington D.C.

Agent: “Australia’s ban is contagious. If Europe copies them, our profits bleed.”
            Politician: “So what’s the play?”

Commentary: Translation: “If kids stop scrolling, our shareholders stop smiling.” Forget public health — the real emergency is a dip in quarterly earnings.

Panel 2 – Close-up, Agent’s smirk

Agent: “We call it censorship. Freedom sells better than child safety.”

Commentary: Ah yes, the freedom to be tracked, profiled, and advertised to before you’ve finished puberty. Nothing screams liberty like a targeted ad for acne cream.

Panel 3 – Politician swirling whiskey

Politician: “And if they don’t listen?”
            Agent: “We remind them who controls the trade levers.”

Commentary: When persuasion fails, there’s always economic blackmail. Nothing says “respect our values” like threatening to tank your exports unless your kids keep doom‑scrolling.

Panel 4 – Split frame tension

Agent: “Campaign funds. Media pressure. A little diplomatic muscle.”

Commentary: The holy trinity of corporate influence: cash, headlines, and a wink from a diplomat. Who needs voters when you’ve got lobbyists?

Panel 5 – Wide shot, bar fades into shadow

Politician: “So we bully them into compliance.”
            Agent: “Exactly. Protect the platform, protect the profits.”

Commentary: Finally, some honesty. It’s not about protecting children, democracy, or freedom. It’s about protecting the bottom line — and bullying anyone who dares to interfere.

Panel 6 – Cliffhanger

Caption: “The storm is coming. Will they resist, or fold?”

Commentary: Smaller nations now face the corporate equivalent of a schoolyard bully. The question isn’t whether kids should be safe online — it’s whether governments have the spine to tell billion‑dollar companies to shove it.

The Corporate Playbook

If this were a sports match, the corporates would be playing rugby with brass knuckles. Their tactics are well‑worn:

  • Rebrand the problem: Child safety becomes “government overreach.”
  • Weaponise freedom: Every restriction is painted as censorship, even if it’s just bedtime for teenagers.
  • Deploy the lobbyists: Politicians are reminded who pays for their campaign ads.
  • Threaten the economy: Trade deals suddenly hinge on whether your 14‑year‑old can post dance videos.
  • Spin the media: Headlines scream “Australia bans free speech,” while the fine print whispers “actually, it’s just TikTok for kids.”

It’s less a playbook than a pantomime, but it works because money talks louder than common sense.

What Happens Next

Picture it:

  • Australia holds firm. Corporates sulk, but the precedent is set. Other nations quietly copy the move, and suddenly the under‑16 market shrinks. Cue panic in boardrooms.
  • Or, the corporates win. Lobbyists flood capitals, politicians fold faster than a cheap deckchair, and the bans are watered down. Kids keep scrolling, profits keep flowing, and the “freedom” narrative triumphs.
  • Or, the middle ground. Nations introduce half‑hearted restrictions — curfews, parental controls — while corporates invent loopholes big enough to drive a truck through. Everyone pretends progress has been made, while the algorithms keep humming.

Whichever way it goes, the fight isn’t about children. It’s about who controls the narrative — governments trying to look responsible, or corporates trying to look indispensable.

Conclusion

Australia’s ban is a test case. If it holds, other countries might follow. If it crumbles under corporate pressure, the message is clear: profits trump children, every time.

The irony? The same companies that market themselves as champions of “community” and “connection” are desperate to keep kids hooked, no matter the cost. The next chapter in this saga will reveal whether governments value childhood more than corporate dividends — or whether the lobbyists win yet again.


S A Spencer- I will bring more stories for your entertainment. Please follow me  on Facebook and Twitter so that you know when a new story comes.

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